Faith When I don't Feel God

It's been a rough few weeks but thats not when the trouble started. If I'm honest, the depression is just the latest problem in a long line of issues that I just haven't wanted to face.

I haven't felt close to God in a long while. And while you can "faith it till you make it" for a short while, if you aren't putting in the effort to be close to God eventually it will catch up with you.

I can blame it on not feeling at home in church. I can blame it on the lack of spiritual relationships in my circle. But ultimately, my relationship with God is just that MY relationship with God.

It's my responsibility to pray.

It's my responsibility to read my bible.

It's my responsibility to be consistent.

God doesn't change.

I'm the one that changes.

God consistently draws me close.

Im the one that runs in the other direction.

If I'm honest I dont FEEL God.

But when I don't FEEL it I have to hold on to what I KNOW.

I have to borrow faith if you will.

Borrowed faith can be the faith of those around you.

Finding comfort in someone else's testimony.

It's living off of the times you remember in your own life when God showed up.

And the good thing it it doesn't stay borrowed forever.

When you borrow the faith it plants a seed and that seed grows into a faith you can feel.

A faith that produces fruit.

A faith that sustains you through the good times and the bad.

It's when you give up or choose to turn your back that faith can't take hold.

I've lived it.

I've said well I can't feel Him, He must not be here.

Sure God can meet you where you are. God can draw you back no matter how far away you've gone. But wouldn't it be amazing to say I went through a dry spell but I remained faithful knowing God was on the other end.

I remained steadfast even when my feelings didnt match.

It has a different ring than I lived for myself when times got hard.

It rings different than I walked away and lived in sin while all God wanted was for me to draw close.

God is faithful when we are not.

My depression will not allow me to feel the goodness of God. But I know it's there.

My depression will not allow me to feel like I'm in the presence of God. But I am.

This is a little different than most of my posts because I usually write on the other side of struggle.

I don't want to bring a reader down with me.

I don't want to fall into the complaint trap. Where I unweigh myself of all the negative things I feel.

But I want to be real.

Christian walks don't come without struggles.

It's not a miracle cure for every ailment we might face.

I still struggle.

Sometimes so hard I don't want to face the day.

Sometimes so hard I'm physically ill over a mental health struggle.

And I know that even on my hard days I can borrow faith if I look in the right spot.