Mental Health is Health

I would be remiss if I did not share what I've learned and my experiences in one of the most important aspects of my life. My struggles in mental health.

For privacy's sake I am not going to go into detail regarding all the struggles I've had, the wrong diagnoses I've been given and the journey that it's taken to get me to a good spot in mental health journey.

I will share that I've dealt with depression for as long as I can remember. I've dealt with anxiety since before I knew that's what it was called. I've seen counselors, psychologists, and psychiatrists more times than I can count with all different solutions to the same problem.

Rest assured, if you face mental health struggles, you are not alone. To tell you how bad it as been at times, I am very lucky to still be alive. And I've come a long way.

I will be making a series of posts to share little bits of what I've learned in hopes that something will reach even one other person.

It's so cliche, but here it is, you are not alone.

Here are some fast facts about depression, paraphrased from a CDC article shared in April of this year

• Depression is more prevalent in women.

• Adolescents have the highest rates of depression over any other age group

• Women are more likely to seek out therapy and treatment

I know my website will likely appeal to more women than men with its sparkly presentation and female written perspective. But it is a shame to know that men are suffering and don't feel comfortable enough to reach out for help for one reason or another (I'm not a man, I won't speculate)

If you have a child or are just a Disney/Pixar fan you've probably at least know about Inside Out and its sequel Inside Out 2. Although geared for a younger audience, and they don't specifically mention depression the second movie I believe does a wonderful job at introducing anxiety to a younger generation.

Sadness is an emotion; depression is a state of mind. To reference my experience, it's more than situational sadness, or even grief, that we feel when facing certain life experiences.

Depression is numbness.

Depression is lack of motivation.

Depression is lack of enjoyment.

The tricky thing about depression, is that it can be rooted in external sources. It can be triggered by life experience. But depression can be chemical. I went my entire teen and young adult life being diagnosed with depression. It wasn't until my mid-twenties that I had a doctor look at the whole picture, the cycles I went through, the times I was depressed AND the times I when I didn't feel like I needed treatment. He was the first person to tell me that I was Bipolar.

He said that my depression was chemical.

In the beginning, I didn't live a life that would help me manage my diagnosis. There are definitely things that I did that made my cycles unbearable. My highs were great, I got a lot done, I was productive, I was happy, I was on top of the world. I felt like I was indestructible, and I lived like nothing could hurt me. I partied, hard, lived it up. I didn't take my meds and eventually the high would crash land on rock bottom. I would spend days not getting out of bed for days at a time, not taking care of myself, and inevitably I'd end up in the hospital.

It has been YEARS of this cycling, but things have changed as I have learned how to live a life in a way to help manage my diagnosis. So much so that, I had a doctor tell me he doesn't think I'm Bipolar. And at first, I bucked at this I held this tag so close as a part of my identity, who was I without my darkness? Who was I if I wasn't broken.

As a Christian, I questioned so often why God would allow this disorder in my life. Why wouldn't he just heal me of this affliction?

Now my experience is unique to me. I wouldn't begin to tell you that you can cure depression by having faith and living life differently. I still struggle with down days. I'm not cured.

But I've learned that your brain can be rewired. (I'll make a post specific to that later) The chemicals can be shifted, and I believe the work that I've done to better myself as a person and to grow in my mind. That is why I read all the books I can about personal development. That is why I listen to podcasts about shifting my mindset. This is why I am constantly putting in positive input and have removed the negative.

Again, this will not cure people with legitimate chemical disorders. For that I believe God gave us doctors that can prescribe medications. And I have taken and still firmly support anyone that needs medicine to survive. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It was something I was proud of when I needed them.